Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Bachelor Recap: A New Record for Crazy

I have not been recapping the Bachelor this season, other than the premiere. Not that it hasn't been entertaining, I just haven't been into writing about it. But then last night happened. What? Seriously, what did I watch? I am so confused, and uncomfortable, and just.....what? I can't not mention the insanity that was on my television.

This is the face of a sociopath. Be afraid.

I'm not going to try to cover everything that went on - you'll have to watch for yourself for all the details, if you haven't already. But be prepared! There's weird, sexual breathing with Carly, people aren't showering, Megan doesn't know what country they're in, Jordan shows up and wants a second chance, oh, and Kelsey is stab you in your sleep crazy. No biggie. Sorry this post is a day late, but I needed time to process what I watched and try to make some sense of it. That didn't happen, so here goes...

The episode was bonkers from the very beginning. Chris and Carly's one on one date with the "love guru" was about the most awkward and uncomfortable I have been watching TV in as long as I can remember. Why in the world would anyone do this on a first date? Oh my gosh! I just can't....Poor Carly.

The group date was pretty uneventful, as was Britt's one on one. Unless you count Jordan's reappearance or the revelation that Britt doesn't shower, which was kind of hilarious. All I could think about on their date was, "does she smell?". I also judged her a little bit for wearing her makeup to bed, but then I thought about it, and I admit, I might do the same if I was on camera constantly. Just saying.

So, here's where the crazy REALLY started to kick in. Kelsey sneaks over to Chris' suite to tell him her story, which is seriously, so so tragic. I have felt so sad for her this whole time, and hubs and I both liked her in the beginning.  Last week her true colors started to come out on the camping date, but who knew how psycho she actually was? She tells Chris about her late husband in the most scripted way ever, like she's giving a monologue, and shows no genuine emotion about it. It was really weird y'all. Like, really. Then there she is smiling to the camera saying how much she loves her sob story, and isn't it amazing? "I love my story!" Really, psycho?

So smug.

Then they make out. Which seems a little one sided to me. It totally looked like Chris was going in for the polite cheek kiss, but Krazy Kelsey wasn't about to miss her opportunity. She thinks she's got this locked down now, because no "nice guy" would find out her terrible back story AND make out with her just to send her home, right? We'll see....

Sympathy make-out sesh.

So at this point  I am so confused and totally weirded out, but it gets worse you guys. Cut to what is supposed to be the cocktail party, but ends up not, because Chris is kind of freaking out. Probably because he was going to send Kelsey home, but now he's afraid to because she may poison his drink or something. Kelsey goes from super confident to apparently scared she's not going to get a rose, so she wanders off camera and has some sort of weird pseudo-panic attack. Really weird. And by weird I mean totally fake so she can get more camera time and also hopefully a sympathy rose from Chris. She's not as good of an actress as Tierra was on her season. Not nearly as much sparkle. Stranger noises though.

Really? Is anyone buying this?

Notice how NONE of the other girls go to check on her? Interesting. I think they're scared of her too. I would be.

Not impressed.

Sidenote - I have to mention that Ashley and Mackenzie are actually jealous that their stories aren't as tragic as Kelsey's. Um...gross. And sad. And Sorry Ashley, but being a virgin doesn't count as a sad story. When did this turn into a competition for who has the most tragic back story?
So, the episode ends with a "To Be Continued", and I absolutely cannot wait until next week to see how this all plays out! But seriously, what has happened to this show y'all?

If you didn't see the episode, there's no way that I can sum it up in a way that would accurately portray the crazy.  Just watch. Please, please watch. And tell me your thoughts.

xo, Summer

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xo, Summer