Bachelor Week 5: Vietnam

I didn't post anything from last week's Seoul episode, because there really wasn't anything to say. I guess to sum it up, Kat and Clare annoyed me, Sharleen was awkward, and Kelly cracked me up. That's about it. Moving on to this week in Vietnam....

Vietnam is , like "nature" y'all. It's like water, and stuff. I can't even remember who said that. Oh well. It made me laugh. Anyway, the first one on one date goes to Rene, and it was extremely uneventful. So boring. And all I could think about the whole time was how hot and sweaty they looked and how that is SO not romantic. Being stinky on a first date is not cute, and couldn't they have gone to a restaurant with air conditioning for dinner? Rene didn't care. She REALLY wanted to kiss Juan Pablo, stink and all. Like, REALLY wanted a kiss. I got sick of hearing about it. But JP made up another random rule and decided it would be disrespectful or some other excuse and wouldn't do it. At this point he's pretty much made out with everyone right? So wanting to "take it slow" is pretty much the kiss of death, right? I really like Rene, but I just don't see this couple working out. Even though as JP put it, they're both 32, they're both parents, it's like their destined to be together! So she gets a rose. Sheesh. I give her 2 more weeks, tops.

The group date would have been just as boring, but Kelly was on it, so I didn't mind it. Love her. Clare apparently has no friends (Kelly's words, not mine), so ended up sharing this weird boat looking thing with Juan Pablo, and then they kissed in front of all the other girls. I guess last weeks kissing rule has been revoked? I'm so confused. But all the girls are upset that JP is spending so much of the group date with Clare, and who wouldn't be? He takes her back to his suite while the rest of them are just sitting there waiting? Rude. I guess he felt bad because then he made it up to them by making out with Sharleen (who wants to be a panda) and Andi. Clare gets the rose, and I'm super annoyed by her. Again. Ugh. I was rooting for Andi to get it. Oh well.

Now we get to the good stuff. After the date is over Clare decides to pull a Courtney Robertson and sneak off to Juan Pablo's room in the middle of the night. She apparently has never gone swimming in a warm ocean before and just HAS to mark it off of her bucket list this very night. We all know what "swimming" in the ocean really means, right?  JP was up for it. Gross. Way to whore it up on television Clare. Guess she forgot the cameras were there?

Nikki gets the second one on one, and it was actually a pretty cool date I thought. Rappelling into a cave would be little scary, but not as awful as bungee jumping off a bridge, and way more fun. Of course there was more kissing. Again, what happened to last week's rules? Whatever Juan Pabs. At dinner it felt like Nikki was trying to sell herself in a job interview. She seriously never stopped talking. But it worked, and she got a rose.

Finally at the cocktail party the drama I was waiting for kicked in! After finally kissing Rene, which she was SUPER excited about, because she REALLY wanted to kiss him, in case you forgot, JP decided to tell Clare their romp in the ocean was a mistake. Whoa, She is seriously pissed. He says something about wanting to set a better example for Camilla, and Clare looks totally shocked, like she forgot he had a daughter at home. Maybe you're not quite ready to be a step mom if what is basically a one night stand on national television for anyone to see seems appropriate for a parent. Just saying. But really, all snark aside, I feel bad for Clare. We should all go easy on her. She made a bad decision, and JP put it ALL on her. It takes two to tango buddy. It's kind of like he cheated on, like 10 girls. Whoever he ends up picking, if it's not Clare, is going to love finding out about this!

Somehow the rest of the girls have absolutely no idea what is going on, and it is the most awkward thing ever. Alli, Danni, and Kelly end up going home at the rose ceremony. Kelly? NOOOoooooo! Not Kelly! Last week she solidified her spot as my favorite of the season, she can't be gone already! There goes the comic relief. Unless you count watching Juan Pablo kiss Sharleen (panda?), but that's more gross than funny. And by the way, why was this such a super emotional rose ceremony so early in the season? Was it me, or was like, everyone crying last night? Weird. Overall, much more entertaining episode than last week.

Looking forward to the potential New Zealand drama in the next episode. Will Sharleen leave? Or Clare? And I'm pretty sure he's made out with everyone that's still around at this point. Anyway, I've liked Andi from the beginning, and now that Kelly is gone, she my new fav. Go Andi! Nikki's my number 2. And I'm so over Juan Pablo. That is all.



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